


lost in the lights

by codenametargeter



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Ace!Ingrid, Azure Moon Route, Enbarr does brunch, Epistolary, F/F, FIGURING OUT YOUR SEXUALITY, Mutual Pining, Post-Timeskip, Post-War, Sylvain Gautier invents Ye Olde Emojis, okay technically it's letters and notes passed back and forth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29287950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/codenametargeter/pseuds/codenametargeter
Summary: A series of letters (and notes) over the years in which Dorothea is patient as Ingrid figures out some things about herself... including that a certain songstress is very much in love with her.Written for the FE3H Ace/Aro Week, Day 1 prompts "discovery" and the "letters" format
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault/Ingrid Brandl Galatea
Comments: 12
Kudos: 35
Collections: FE3H - Ace/Aro Week





	lost in the lights

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my Ace Ingrid Agenda.
> 
> Getting the Fódlan calendar right is the bane of my existence so if I got parts of it wrong... please don't tell me and just pretend I did it right. I'm also about to throw the formatting of this piece out a window so hopefully it's readable as is. (If not, please tell me.)

_From a letter received at the Galatea estate during the Wyvern Moon of 1184:_

> My dear Ingrid,
> 
> I worry every time I sit down to write one of these that this will be the letter that sits on whatever table letters sit on in your family’s home and goes unread. I hope it’s not this one. I hope it’s never any of them. 
> 
> Things are much the same here as they were the last time I wrote you. We’ve been able to keep the children here safe but I don’t know for how much longer. Some days, it feels like the entire continent has fallen prey to this war but they don’t deserve to have to live like this. None of us do but them especially. 
> 
> Ferdie just left yesterday but before he did, he reminded me how the Millennium Festival should be coming up. It won’t, of course, but it’s nice to think of what a lovely event it might have been. It was supposed to bring us all back together but given current events… Do you think anyone will still show up? I know that you (and those Faerghan boys) are dreadfully busy but… it would be lovely to see your face again. To know for myself that you’re as all right as anyone can be during a time like this. I miss you immensely.
> 
> So! What do you think? Should we have that class reunion anyways? If you say yes, I promise I’ll drag both Ferdie and Petra there too. 
> 
> With Love,  
> Dorothea  
>   
> 

* * *

_  
From a note dashed off to Adrestia soon after, smudged with dirt:_

> We’ll be there. I swear it.
> 
> IBG  
>   
> 

* * *

_  
From a crumpled piece of parchment shoved back and forth at the war council table during the Garland Moon of 1185:_

How did you know that you liked Dimitri?

I don’t.

Felix

Don’t. 

I saw you kissing him outside the cathedr— _[The line trails off into a jagged line as if the paper had been snatched away before the writer was done.]_

That doesn’t mean I like the boar.

Fine. How did you know that you wanted to kiss him?

I don’t see how that’s any of your business. And it’s a stupid question. 

Why? Is it because you’ve always liked him?

No. Fine. Maybe. Can’t you bother Sylvain with this? 

I… never mind. Forget I asked.

Whatever. Spar with me after this.  
  


* * *

_  
From a stack of letters written towards the end of the war but never delivered, labeled with a note reading ‘To be delivered in the case of the death of Ingrid Galatea’ and later burned:_

> Dorothea,
> 
> If you’re reading this, then you know what’s happened to me. Actually, you know better than I do since for me, it hasn’t--
> 
> That’s not why I’m writing this. I guess I’m writing this because I wanted to make sure I said thank you. Thank you for being a friend when I needed one and for caring about me even when I gave you so many reasons not to. There’s so much in this world that you deserve and that includes how I should have told you as much to your face. Maybe I have by now but I probably haven’t. 
> 
> And I should have told you this too: I love you.
> 
> Goddess, I hope you never read this.
> 
> Ingrid  
>   
> 

* * *

_  
From a scrap of parchment discarded after a King’s Council meeting during the Harpstring Moon of 1186:_

Are you ever going to say something to Dorothea or are you going to just keep mooning over her forever?  
I know you’re reading this. I can literally see you reading it.

We’re in a council meeting, Sylvain. We should be paying attention to the king.

His Majesty is barely even paying attention to this drone. So back to Dorothea… 

There’s nothing to say. We’re just friends. 

Just friends, huh? I wish all my pretty friends looked at me like she looks like you ;)

What is that supposed to be?

Me winking at you obviously. ;) 

Dorothea and I are just friends. You know as well as I that she flirts with everyone. She doesn’t mean anything by it. 

Uh-huh. Sure. ;)

Stop that!

Stop what? ;)

Stop winking at me.

I will stop winking at you if you admit that you have feelings for Dorothea. 

Can we not talk about this in the middle of a council meeting?

Oh so does that mean we can talk about it later?  
I’m taking your silence as yes, by the way. :) <\--And that’s just a normal smiley face and not a winking one so you can’t be mad at me for it.  
  


* * *

_  
From a letter sent to Enbarr, dated early Blue Sea Moon 1186:_

> Dear Dorothea,
> 
> I feel silly for writing this to you since you just left two weeks ago but I miss you already and Sylvain and Ashe wouldn’t leave me alone until I said I’d write to you so here I am. 
> 
> Every time you have to leave Fhirdiad and go back to Enbarr, I find myself wishing you didn’t have to go. It’s not a fair thing to wish because you have your life there and your work with the opera house but I wish it nonetheless. And then that makes me wonder what life might be like if I didn’t have my obligations. It’s not that I hate them or wish I didn’t. I’m happy to serve His Majesty as one of his knights. It’s an honor and a privilege but sometimes it’s nice to think about a world where I could come visit you whenever I wished. Assuming you wished it, of course too. I would never wish to presume. Or impose.
> 
> Am I rambling? I feel like I’m rambling. 
> 
> I hope your trip home was uneventful and you made it there safely. How’s the new opera going?
> 
> With my regards,  
> Ingrid  
>   
> 

* * *

_From a letter sent back to Fhirdiad, also dated Blue Sea Moon of 1186:_

> My dear Ingrid,
> 
> You can always presume when it comes to me. It’s me who worries that I’ve presumed too much over the course of our friendship. I’d absolutely adore it if you were able to come visit me here. I’d love to take you around the city now that it’s almost back to normal again. There’s this little place about two blocks from the opera house that has the best pork buns you’ve ever had in your life and there’s another one near my apartment that has the best brunch on the continent. You Faerghans don’t really do brunch but trust me: once you’ve tried it here, you’ll never want to give it up. 
> 
> It’s nice to be back in Enbarr but the heat feels almost oppressive after so long up north. It always takes me awhile to readjust but it’s easier than the other way especially in winter. Faerghan winters really do require you have someone to help keep you warm, don’t they? 
> 
> The opera is going well. They accomplished quite a lot while I was gone. I suspect we’ll be ready to open in two months like we planned. Our director is talented at what he does and having royal funding certainly doesn’t hurt. Everyone wants this production to be a success. A part of me wishes I had taken the lead role but it wouldn’t have been fair to the rest of the company so I shall content myself with a smaller role with a single solo. Don’t worry: I’ll still manage to stun the crowds with both my looks and my song. 
> 
> Do write back when you have the time. I’d love it if we could resume our correspondence like before although thankfully, we no longer have the threat of war hanging over our heads.
> 
> With Love,  
> Dorothea  
>   
> 

* * *

_From a letter sent to Enbarr, dated Verdant Rain Moon of 1186:_

> Dear Dorothea,
> 
> I’m happy to hear the opera is progressing well. I know how hard you’ve worked to pull it together in addition to everything His Majesty asks you to do to help bring us all together as a united Fódlan. I don’t know how you have time to sleep. Actually, I don’t know how Dimitri or Felix have time to sleep either. I thought everything was going to be easier once we won the war but it’s been almost a year and I just feel like we’re all busier now but thankfully, with less fighting. 
> 
> Do you think you’ll be able to take a leading role in the next production you put on? I know you love performing and I’d hate it if you didn’t get to as much as you’d like because you’re so busy with all of this.
> 
> I… I meant to tell you something in the last letter but then I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It’s why Sylvain and Ashe made me write it in the first place because I couldn’t convince myself to tell you before you left. I think I have feelings for you. Romantic ones, I mean. I know you said I could presume but I don’t want to here. If you don’t feel the same way, please just tell me and I’ll never speak of it again. I would never want to make you uncomfortable. Honestly, I feel uncomfortable just writing all of this. It’s not something I’ve ever done before. 
> 
> I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be writing something like this in a letter. Please forgive me for all of this. I hope the opera keeps going well. And eat one of those tasty pork buns for me. 
> 
> I’m going to send this before I talk myself out of it.
> 
> Ingrid  
>   
> 

* * *

_  
From a letter sent to Fhirdiad, dated Verdant Rain Moon of 1186:_

> Dearest Ingrid,
> 
> Now that we absolutely must discuss more and in person, don’t you think? 
> 
> Dimitri has promised me that he’ll come to Enbarr for our opening night next month. I think it would be perfectly reasonable if you accompanied him as one of his knights, don’t you? And before you say something silly about not wanting to take advantage of your friendship with the king, we both know Dimitri will agree in a heartbeat and won’t think it a presumption at all. 
> 
> So please, my dear Ingrid: come visit me in Enbarr. I’m happy for us to exchange love letters but I’d also like to see your handsome face again especially for a conversation like this.
> 
> Yours,  
> Dorothea
> 
> P.S: And in case there was any doubt, those feelings are absolutely reciprocated and they have been for years. Have I been too subtle with my affections? We’ll have to change that.   
>   
> 

* * *

_  
From a note pushed across the council table in Verdant Rain Moon of 1186:_

Do you think I could come along on the king’s trip to Enbarr for the reopening of the Mittlefrank Opera House?

Why are you asking me?

Because you’re the king’s advisor.

So are you.

Not like you are. 

Who are you? Sylvain? 

I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t usually go on these sorts of things since Ashe is Guard Captain and all so I wasn’t sure if it would be alright.

Dimitri won’t care. This better be because of Dorothea.

Does everyone know how I feel about Dorothea?

Yes  
  


* * *

_  
From a letter tucked into Ingrid Galatea’s saddlebag in Enbarr, Horsebow Moon of 1186:_

> I love you, my Ingrid. And don’t think for a moment I’ll let you forget it. You promised me love letters, darling. You’d best write them. This other piece of parchment is my first one for you. Perhaps don’t read it in polite company on the road back. It’s nothing too scandalous but it is likely to make you blush.
> 
> ~Your Dorothea  
>   
> 

* * *

_  
From a letter hastily written on the road between Fhirdiad and Enbarr, dated Guardian Moon of 1187:_

> Dearest,
> 
> I don’t like how we left things. I feel positively awful about it and every hour is another hour where I wonder how foolish it would be if I were to simply barter for one of these horses and gallop back to Fhirdiad all by myself. (And then I remember what we both know: that I have none of your talent for riding and whatever steed I purchased would likely buck me off and leave me in the dirt.)
> 
> Please don’t ever feel like you have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or that you don’t want to because you think I want it or I expect it of you as my romantic partner. I’ve told you before about some of my… history. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I love you and I don’t want you to do something because you feel pressured. We don’t have to have sex if you’re not ready or if you don’t want to. I’m perfectly content to just shower you with kisses and hold you in my arms whenever you’ll let me. We never have to do anything you don’t want to do. I love you no matter what. 
> 
> I can’t come back to Fhirdiad for another few months but if Dimitri can spare you any time soon… but only if that’s something you want. Mostly, I just want to know that you’re alright, darling. Please let me know if there’s anything at all I can do to put things right between us.
> 
> Love,  
> Dorothea

* * *

_  
From a letter sent from the royal palace and dated a week later:_

> Dorothea,
> 
> I’m not mad at you. I know you had to go back to Enbarr and couldn’t stay. I’m mad at myself. I was a coward for running away and hiding instead of talking to you. I just panicked. I’m sorry that I didn’t stay and talk through things even though I know you wanted me to. Everything just started to feel wrong and like I couldn’t breath if I stayed there and so I ran. I’m sorry. This is all my fault.
> 
> I thought that I did want to make love with you. That’s what I’m supposed to want, isn’t it? Doesn’t everyone? I don’t mean with you. I just mean… in general. It’s normal which means that me not wanting it isn’t. It’s taken me days to write this letter because I keep writing a little bit and then I can’t anymore. I keep thinking about what happened and all of this and everything before and I’m worried that I’m broken and that I’ll never want it. It’s just all so confusing because I love you and I thought that wanting you like that came with it but in my daydreams, all I dream about is sitting in the sun with your head in my lap and running my fingers through your hair. Never… that. I don’t know why I’m like this.
> 
> If you want to end things between us, I would understand.
> 
> Ingrid  
>   
> 

* * *

_  
From a letter sent back to Fhirdiad, dated Pegasus Moon of 1187:_

> My Ingrid,
> 
> Darling, no. Please don’t ever think like that. You’re not broken. Sex is lovely and all but it’s just that: sex. There’s nothing wrong with you not wanting it. And no, I’m not just telling you that. You’re not the first person I’ve known for who sex holds no appeal. You not wanting to have sex is no different than me having an interest in sleeping with both men and women or Felix being only interested in men. It’s simply the way we all are. It is a part of us. And I love you for you, my dear Ingrid. I always have. This doesn’t change that. It never could.
> 
> Love,  
> Dorothea  
>   
> 

* * *

_  
From a letter sent back to Enbarr, dated Pegasus Moon of 1187:_

> Dear Dorothea,
> 
> I keep rereading your letters and I want to believe them and everything you say in there. I really do. And I believe some of it but I just… I don’t know how to. My entire life, I was brought up knowing I’d marry another noble and have their children to carry on our family lines. I knew what that entailed. How can this be normal? It’s just hard to reconcile all of this. I don’t want to be broken. I want to be normal and I want to believe you when you say that I am. I love you too and I want to be the sort of partner you deserve. I want to be enough.
> 
> I’m sorry that we keep talking about this. I’m sure there are plenty of better things we could write about. How are the rehearsals for the new show going? Have you been able to see Ferdinand or Lindhart and Caspar lately? It snowed another foot here last week and still hasn’t melted. It’s a pain for trying to take the horses out but it is beautiful to look at. 
> 
> Love,  
> Ingrid  
>   
> 

* * *

_  
From a letter sent to Fhirdiad, dated Lone Moon of 1187:_

> My Dearest Ingrid,
> 
> I shall keep writing this until you believe me: you are not broken. You are absolutely perfect the way you are and I love every bit of you. 
> 
> I know I said I couldn’t get away from Enbarr but… would you be willing to meet me at Garreg Mach at the end of the month? I know you’re just as busy as I am but if Dimitri can spare you for a few days… We’ve made a habit of discussing some of the critical parts of our relationship through letters but I want to take your hands in mine and look you in your gorgeous green eyes as I tell you that this all changes nothing for me. Some things are better said face to face. 
> 
> I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. 
> 
> Yours,  
> Dorothea

* * *

_  
From a letter sent to Fhirdiad, dated mere days later in Lone Moon of 1187:_

> Dear Dorothea,
> 
> I can’t ask you to take time away from your rehearsals. You’re supposed to open on the first day of Harpstring Moon. Spring feels impossibly far away with all of this snow but I know it’s sooner than it seems. But at the same time… 
> 
> This feels so terribly selfish to do but I’ll ask His Majesty for permission to take a brief leave of absence so I can come to Enbarr. It seems the least I can do since all of this is all my fault. In fact, I’ll go ask him right now before I lose my nerve. (I’m only telling you this because I know it will make you laugh even though I’m mortified but when I went to find His Majesty in his office, it was painfully obvious that he and Felix had just been… uhm… well, I’m sure you can put the pieces together without me saying the rest. Honestly, I don’t understand why in his _office_ of all places…) Dimitri said it would be all right for me to go so I’m sending this as soon as I finish writing it and then I’ll leave here in two days. I hope this is all okay even though it’s not what you suggested. 
> 
> I love you too.
> 
> Ingrid  
>   
> 

* * *

_  
From a note left beneath a certain opera singer’s pillow in Enbarr, Lone Moon of 1187:_

> I tried to find a way to say this but I don’t think I ever really succeeded so here we are again, using the written word: I don’t think that I fully believe you when you say that there isn’t something wrong with me… but I will one day. It’s just going to take time to unlearn what I hadn’t even realized I had spent years learning. I’m starting by not even letting myself write that one word here. I know you’ll roll your eyes when you read this next part but sometimes, I think I do not deserve you but then I remember how you looked at me under the stars and I know it is not a matter of deserving. It is love. I love you, Dorothea Arnault, and I am lucky that you love me too. All of me. 
> 
> Always Yours,  
> Ingrid 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to be open in a way I'm not usually and just flat out say that this piece was very personal for me. Personal enough that I almost didn't post it. Like Ingrid, I'm ace and I didn't really figure it out until my 20s. (Although we absolutely figured it out in very different ways.) Even then, it was a process. I spent a lot of time going back and forth on whether that label was right for me and I harbored a lot of thoughts about how I was broken. It took a lot of time to get myself to believe that I wasn't. So hey! If any other ace people are reading this who struggle, please know that you are not broken and that you are indeed perfect the way you. Asexual (and aromantic) are valid queer identities and we absolutely belong in the LGBTQ+ community. <3


End file.
